What Is Codependency?
This term is thrown around a lot, but it boils down to what it means to you. Labels can be problematic. It’s not like there is some blood test to verify whether you might be codependent. If you feel like certain tendencies may be getting in the way of your happiness or stopping you from having a healthy relationship, it could be important. Can you answer yes to any of these questions?
- Do your relationships tend to be one-sided?
- Do you have a better sense of what everyone else is feeling than what you are feeling?
- Do you hve trouble speaking up for fear that someone won’t like you?
- Do you feel sorry for your partner and think you can handle things better than he or she can?
- Do you find yourself cleaning up after someone else’s mess way too often?
- Do you do too much for other people and feel resentful that they don’t appreciate it?
- Do you spend more time than you’d like trying to figure out someone else?
- Is your life limited by someone else’s bad behavior?
Ok, You Got Me, I’m Codependent. What Can I Do About It?
That’s a great question. If you think codependency may be getting in the way of your best life, that’s already a start. Working with a counselor might be one of the first times you have ever really invested in yourself. Scheduling a session to work on you and only you, to give yourself the gift of time and attention, is already a huge step. Once you’ve done that, there is a world of opportunity awaiting you.
When I work with a client on these issues I take an individualized approach. I listen very closely for the many ways you might be compromising yourself and, ironically, not really helping the people you’re trying to help. Sometimes you might be so close to the situation you can’t see it as clearly. There are usually some very positive steps you may already know you need to take.
Won’t This Make Me Selfish?
Notice the complete sentence above. You will learn more about it if you work with me. It may feel strange at first, but it is a very powerful word. And it is not an unkind word. It will help you start to define who you really are. Learning when and how to say no can be of greater value to those you love, to the world, and to yourself.
If you would like to know more, or have questions, feel free to call me or schedule an appointment today.