Have you ever had the feeling that you know everything there is to know about your husband (boyfriend, wife, whatever)? What if there was a magic potion you could take to reverse that? To bring a sense of “Vuja De” into your life? I would define it for you, but it will be more fun to leave it up to the late, great George Carlin:
George was kidding, or maybe on LSD, but there is some truth to what he was saying. I have seen it. When a couple who has been together for years learns new things about their partner, it changes them. It wakes them up to the fact that this mysterious person they thought they knew is more complex, more interesting, and more loving than they realized.
The impact of growing and healing a relationship is huge. It makes life so much better. And it all starts with the belief that “Maybe I don’t know everything there is to know.” It starts with acknowledging that even though we may feel beaten down, hopeless, even cynical, we could be wrong, and things can get better.
Of course there is no magic potion. It takes work. It takes humility, commitment, time, money and most of all a leap of faith. That sounds like a lot. But the alternative might be a kind of lifelong “deja vu.” Every day containing the same painful patterns and loneliness and the sinking feeling that the love you had, or want, is not possible.
How can you get that “vuja de” feeling? It starts with recognizing that you probably don’t know all there is to know about your partner, and that there is also lots to discover about yourself.
Margie Wheelhouse is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Springfield, Illinois. She helps couples build great relationships and repair broken ones.