Hidden Misunderstandings It’s possible you can love someone and they don’t feel it. Or vice versa. This can be hard to understand, and too often we find out years, decades, a whole lifetime too late. The idea is captured in a popular book titled “Five Love Languages,” by author Gary Chapman. It’s a great tool for […]
What’s Wrong With Date Night
The Set Up It seems like a no-brainer, doesn’t it? Just set up a time to go on a date and you’ll inject some much needed fun into your relationship. “Hey, let’s go to our favorite restaurant and not worry about the kids!” The problem is, you may wind up talking about the kids, or […]
Think You’re An Expert on Your Spouse?
How well do you know your spouse? If you answered “very well,” that could be good news. Unless, of course, you are mostly an expert on what’s wrong with your spouse. People who come into my office are often unable to get through hard times in their relationship. Sometimes a big part of the problem […]
What Not To Do When You’re Caught Cheating
I’m Caught, What Now? If you’ve been caught red handed in an affair, you might be at the beginning of a way better life. Or you could be starting patterns that will make your life and your family’s lives a nightmare. It’s not all up to you, but a lot of it is. What I’m […]
Is Your Partner’s ADHD Driving You Nuts?
It’s easy to love someone with ADHD when you don’t live with them. But when your life partner has it, it’s a different deal. When I work with couples in counseling, sometimes I bump into this. Arguments, resentments, power struggles and distance can sometimes be traced to undiagnosed or misunderstood ADHD. How many of these […]
When Your Husband Won’t Come To Counseling
Are You The Only One Trying? You know it’s bad when one person in a relationship seems to be doing all the work. How frustrating to know in your bones that life could be happier if only you could get some cooperation. On the other hand, maybe your husband won’t come to counseling. What to […]
Would You Like Boobs With That? How Porn Can Starve Your Marriage
A Closer Look At Porn If we take away the secrecy, shame and moral tut-tutting about porn, we can actually look at it. I don’t mean look at it, literally. That’s up to you. I mean look at how it plays out in our society, in relationships, and in marriage. I used to be a […]
When You Have Nothing To Talk About
Tired of Talking About What To Have For Dinner? You hear plenty of talk about how sex sometimes goes downhill in marriage. But not enough is said about conversation. This problem of having “nothing to talk about” was summed up really well in an episode of Seinfeld, in which Kramer explained to Jerry the pitfalls […]
Are You Too Selfish in your Relationship?
Is fear of being seen as “selfish” keeping you from a healthy relationship? Often times we know exactly what we want, but we are very afraid. We’re afraid of being rejected, of being criticized, or of being alone. The worst part about this is that we are right. I may very well not get what […]
Is an Emotional Affair Considered Infidelity?
The Emotional Affair Somehow the word “emotional” in front of the word “affair,” for some people, adds a kind of buffer. Sort of like “emotional abuse” is still abuse. Even though nothing physical happens, an emotional affair can do major damage to a person. In fact, like with emotional abuse, emotional affairs can be even […]