Hidden Misunderstandings It’s possible you can love someone and they don’t feel it. Or vice versa. This can be hard to understand, and too often we find out years, decades, a whole lifetime too late. The idea is captured in a popular book titled “Five Love Languages,” by author Gary Chapman. It’s a great tool for […]
Are You Being Gaslighted?
It Starts With A Lie Have you ever felt like someone was trying to cover up a lie by making you think you were crazy? It could be a friend, a spouse, a coworker, or anyone you deal with on a regular basis. Did it make you question yourself? Deliberately trying to make someone think […]
Your Intentions Are Irrelevant
First Things First If your best friend reaches across the table for the salt and pokes you in the eye, does your eye hurt any less because it was an accident? Are you more likely to yell “OW!” or to say “WHY did you do that?!” Sure, you might say something a lot stronger than […]
Are You A Backseat Driver? Or Are You Plagued By One?
Distracted Driving is Bad Enough We hear a lot about the dangers of distracted driving. But what about “criticized driving”? I’d like to see some statistics on that. Behind money, household chores and sex, I would have to say that driving is probably right up there near the top when it comes to couples complaints […]
When Your Husband Won’t Come To Counseling
Are You The Only One Trying? You know it’s bad when one person in a relationship seems to be doing all the work. How frustrating to know in your bones that life could be happier if only you could get some cooperation. On the other hand, maybe your husband won’t come to counseling. What to […]
When You Have Nothing To Talk About
Tired of Talking About What To Have For Dinner? You hear plenty of talk about how sex sometimes goes downhill in marriage. But not enough is said about conversation. This problem of having “nothing to talk about” was summed up really well in an episode of Seinfeld, in which Kramer explained to Jerry the pitfalls […]
Communication Problems Series, Part 4: Stonewalling
Is This You? Have you ever felt like ignoring a problem until it goes away? It’s a great idea if you have a minor pain, maybe, or a difficult coworker you hardly ever see. But some problems just get worse and worse. They multiply like mold growing in a damp place in your home, or […]
Communication Problems Series, Part 3: Contempt
You Can Spot Contempt Easily The eye roll. It’s probably the biggest indicator that things are not going well in a relationship. Try it: look away from the screen, fold your arms, frown, and roll your eyes like you’ve just heard the stupidest thing in the world. Now what if that “stupidest thing” were your […]
Communication Problems Series, Part 2: Defensiveness
A Sneaky Problem Defensiveness is a big stumbling block to great communication because it’s so sneaky. You can’t really see it very well unless you’re on the receiving end of it. When we accidentally hurt someone, it seems so logical to explain how innocent we are. “I didn’t mean it!” or “I didn’t mean it […]
Communication Problems Series, Part 1: Criticism
What Are We Talking About? One difficulty with targeting “communication” as a problem in relationships is that the subject is just much too broad. So we have poor communication. So what? What does it even mean, and what can we do about it? A lot, it turns out. When we can zero in on exactly what is going […]