“If nothing changes, nothing changes.” I don’t know who first said that, but it challenges one of the biggest obstacles to a better life: waiting. Some people call it “hope” — hoping things will get better — without a plan. Other people call it fear — holding on to what you have because change sounds […]
Scrooged About Being Single This Season?
For some people, being single feels worse during the holidays. One reasons is likely the number of get-togethers. From Thanksgiving Dinner all the way through to New Year’s Day brunches, there is a lot going on. If you don’t like going alone to one cook-out pool party in July, then November through January can be […]
What’s a Love Language and Why You Should Care
Hidden Misunderstandings It’s possible you can love someone and they don’t feel it. Or vice versa. This can be hard to understand, and too often we find out years, decades, a whole lifetime too late. The idea is captured in a popular book titled “Five Love Languages,” by author Gary Chapman. It’s a great tool for […]
Are You Being Gaslighted?
It Starts With A Lie Have you ever felt like someone was trying to cover up a lie by making you think you were crazy? It could be a friend, a spouse, a coworker, or anyone you deal with on a regular basis. Did it make you question yourself? Deliberately trying to make someone think […]
What’s Wrong With Date Night
The Set Up It seems like a no-brainer, doesn’t it? Just set up a time to go on a date and you’ll inject some much needed fun into your relationship. “Hey, let’s go to our favorite restaurant and not worry about the kids!” The problem is, you may wind up talking about the kids, or […]
Worried That You’re Not “In Love” With Your Spouse?
“I love him, but I’m not ‘in love’ with him.” It’s something I hear fairly often in my therapy office. So what? Is my reply. Okay, not really. I promise never to say “so what?” to anyone when they tell me their feelings. But to some degree, that’s what I feel like saying, because, really, […]
Your Intentions Are Irrelevant
First Things First If your best friend reaches across the table for the salt and pokes you in the eye, does your eye hurt any less because it was an accident? Are you more likely to yell “OW!” or to say “WHY did you do that?!” Sure, you might say something a lot stronger than […]
10 Ways To Beat Holiday Stress
It’s A Terrible Life. George Bailey thought all the stuff he didn’t get to do, or that was wrong, added up to a terrible life. The staircase knob that kept coming off was a constant reminder of all the little crap that never gets done. It’s so annoying. It’s distracting. It makes life harder. […]
Do Marriage Counselors Take Sides?
Taking Sides? How is it possible not to “take sides” when working with a couple in therapy? I get that question from time to time. It’s understandable. If I want to go to a “neutral third party” to work on a problem, the “neutral” part is important. After all, working on a relationship is about […]
Ignoring it Won’t Make it Go Away
There is a time and a place for everything, including ignoring things. Don’t sweat the small stuff. I’ll agree with that. But I definitely do not think “it’s all small stuff.” If you ignore some problems they get bigger and bigger and worse and worse. But it happens so slowly so you don’t even really […]
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