The Set Up It seems like a no-brainer, doesn’t it?  Just set up a time to go on a date and you’ll inject some much needed fun into your relationship.  “Hey, let’s go to our favorite restaurant and not worry about the kids!”  The problem is, you may wind up talking about the kids, or […]

“I love him, but I’m not ‘in love’ with him.” It’s something I hear fairly often in my therapy office. So what?  Is my reply. Okay, not really.  I promise never to say “so what?” to anyone when they tell me their feelings.  But to some degree, that’s what I feel like saying, because, really, […]

First Things First If your best friend reaches across the table for the salt and pokes you in the eye, does your eye hurt any less because it was an accident? Are you more likely to yell “OW!” or to say “WHY did you do that?!”  Sure, you might say something a lot stronger than […]

It’s A Terrible Life.   George Bailey thought all the stuff he didn’t get to do, or that was wrong, added up to a terrible life.  The staircase knob that kept coming off was a constant reminder of all the little crap that never gets done.  It’s so annoying.  It’s distracting.  It makes life harder.  […]

Taking Sides? How is it possible not to “take sides” when working with a couple in therapy? I get that question from time to time.  It’s understandable.  If I want to go to a “neutral third party” to work on a problem, the “neutral” part is important.  After all, working on a relationship is about […]

There is a time and a place for everything, including ignoring things. Don’t sweat the small stuff. I’ll agree with that.  But I definitely do not think “it’s all small stuff.” If you ignore some problems they get bigger and bigger and worse and worse.  But it happens so slowly so you don’t even really […]

Keep getting more of what you fear? It’s not a coincidence.  We generally go where we’re aiming.  If your eyes are on it, that’s where you’re headed.  Ever heard someone say “Don’t look down”?  That’s because looking down might increase the chances of heading that way. What do you fear?  Do you fear being… alone? […]

You Know You Want It Go on, admit it:  that last piece of pizza sitting on the cardboard, still kind of hot and bubbly and cheesy, looks darn good.  Mmmmm.  If you were alone right now, it would be so gone.  You may even be full, but you would still eat it.  And yet, you […]

How well do you know your spouse? If you answered “very well,” that could be good news.  Unless, of course, you are mostly an expert on what’s wrong with your spouse. People who come into my office are often unable to get through hard times in their relationship.  Sometimes a big part of the problem […]

I’m Caught, What Now? If you’ve been caught red handed in an affair, you might be at the beginning of a way better life.  Or you could be starting patterns that will make your life and your family’s lives a nightmare.  It’s not all up to you, but a lot of it is.  What I’m […]